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16 janeiro 2019

Journal Entry #2 for today. Sorry. Just trying to keep up with things going on for me and how I feel. So today was a better day. My focus is still lacking but it is better than yesterday so that is an improvement and I will take it.

I am not walking today. After working 9 hours and then cleaning the pellet stove out I am tired and sore. I am taking a quick break and going back to my desk to work some more. I have so much work and really trying hard to find my focus and motivation.

I definitely do not feel like an emotional basket case, like yesterday, so I think the estrovera may be helping. However, it is 3:30pm and I am exhausted. We were supposed to have a communications training at 8pm tonight (at the fire house) and I just don't think I can make it. 8pm at night is just not something that my body is up for right now. I hate to be like that but I have to put myself first.

So a definite improvement over yesterday; just need to do something to combat the exhaustion and some of that is likely just trying to heal.

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16 janeiro 2019

Okay so scale yesterday reflected 224.4 and today is back down to 222.0; I am pretty sure that is from overdoing it on Monday with the treadmill. Everyone keeps telling me to remember that I am not yet even 4 weeks post op and this was a major surgery. It will take 6 to 8 weeks for my body to even start to get resituated, but days like yesterday are terrible. I felt like I was just not me...brain fog...unable to concentrate...irritable...crying. *sigh* I have to remind myself that it is okay to feel this way, but I don't want to expose others to that. How do you just cry and tell your husband that you can't explain why. I worry that he will immediately think I need some medication instead of realizing this is a process for my body to go through.

So yesterday I picked up some collagen (it only has Type 1 and 3) and kicking myself for not checking the types. I think the more types the better and there are some out there, but I will work this one in and then improve. I was going to Costco and left my card at home. How did I do that? Well I have had to change to a tiny light purse right now and it doesn't have a LOT in it, and certainly doesn't have my Costco card in it. Picked up a B-Complex. The lady that helped me said she had the same procedure I had (in her late 20's) and never needed HRT. That was like a message from my Mama. I also picked up estrovera (natural) at the pharmacy to work in daily it should start helping.

My Daddy called me this morning and I asked him how old my Mama was and why she had the procedure done. He said mid to late 30's and complications; he couldn't really remember. I asked him if she was a crazy person afterward. He said "no your Mama was always laid back and never needed HRT". That made me feel better, too. So I just need to try to be extra kind to myself (not sure how) for the next 4 or 5 weeks. I know now why so many women aren't released to go back to work for 6 weeks after the procedure.

I tried a new recipe yesterday corned beef radish hash...it was delicious. Talked to my daughter (that made me feel better). Talked to my sister and she told me the same stuff...stop pushing myself and take it easy I am still healing and it is okay to "not feel good".

So now to try very hard to focus on work and get the things done that I need to get done...that is stressful in, and of, itself.

Try to be kind to yourself and I will try my best to take my own advise.

Peso:	Perdidos até agora:	Ainda faltam:	Dieta seguida:
100,7 kg	11,8 kg	15,0 kg	100%

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15 janeiro 2019

The scale was up again this morning. I can only attribute it to the hard walk I did yesterday. I know it doesn't seem much, but less than 4 weeks post op of my abdominal procedure and it was strenuous. They recommend some strenuous walking and that is what I did. Although, I had to ice last night and this morning I am sore! Tomorrow is the official weigh day so whatever the scale reflects tomorrow I will post it. I am not going to be to concerned, but on the other hand the cold turkey on hormones does has me stressing over things.

Yesterday, I had a break down on the phone with my stepdad. He said I sounded good and I started crying. I try to sound good. You know smile until it sticks sort of thing. I didn't mean to break down and I was sobbing. I miss my Mama everyday but I NEED her so bad right now. I need her to tell me what to expect. She went through this. I have her genes!! I just...I know needing her will not make her magically appear, but the knowledge of that doesn't stop me needing her so badly at this time of my life. So there was that break down. I am sure some is hormones but some is just still being so raw with her gone.

So the hormones...I stress over that. Surgical menopause is not like natural menopause. In natural menopause your body gets to start weaning itself off of all these hormones. Surgical menopause they just stop...that is it. So I stress is the weight gain due to the menopause. I stress about my skin changing and premature aging. I am not so full of myself, but I am only 48 too and I don't want to age prematurely...I know it sounds dumb. I told my stepdad that too, and I know go back to genetics my Mama was beautiful! I stress over mood swings. I stress over fog brain. I stress over crepe skin.

Then to talk myself off the ledge. I was stressing over the headaches I was waking up with daily, but they stopped. I am stressing over pre-mature aging, but my Mama looked GREAT. I am stressing over weight gain from menopause, but I know I am eating healthy. I am stressing over working in weight training eventually but I know when the time comes and I am released I will do it and that will only make me healthier and contribute to controlling weight gain. I am stressing over crepe skin and I have read into collagen and will start adding that. Which will help towards my gut health and bone health and skin health. I stress about my ability to focus and do my job and stay on top of everything, but I think that exercise and food and the right supplements will help me with that.

So my next post op is Jan 30th and I will talk to my Dr about all of these concerns and supplements that I can take to maybe help. I think journaling will probably help me more than I realize and that is what I will do too. I will journal it all out and maybe just doing so will help me find myself again. Wow that is a profound statement "help me find myself again". I didn't realize how true it felt until I wrote it. I do feel disconnected with myself right now. Who I am. Will I be the same person.

I have my NREMT coming up. This is the National test for my EMT certification. Not sure I mentioned that here, but I volunteer with the fire station. Right after I came back from my Mama passing we immediately started those classes and they lasted until mid December. I passed the class and clinicals. Now time to take the NREMT (I didn't have time to take it before my surgery). So I am stressing over that too.

Okay that is the end of my menopause post. On a good note I slept the BEST I have slept since surgery, last night. I was so tired (like most nights), but I fell asleep by 9pm. I woke at 10:32pm; I was hot and had slept hard and felt like it must be much later. I was surprised at the time. Then I woke at 3am, but both times I went back to sleep once the hot flash passed and it was quickly.

I hope you all have a great day and I apologize for the Debbie Downer post.

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14 janeiro 2019

Good morning Fat Secret! It is another lovely day in surgical menopause and I am living my own personal science project...lol.

So scale had an uptick this morning, but I am not recording that because it is not my official weigh in day. I did try a new recipe for dinner, but it was strict keto whole 30. However, I did have two servings of the cauli-fried rice. Not bad for me but just thinking of why the scale may have that uptick. I am not overly concerned. I am doing what I am supposed to be doing and I know it will correct itself.

Not a bad weekend, but I didn't get in a walk. However, Saturday we went to the movies and I persevered with no snacks...no popcorn!!! I didn't die!! I made it!! We walked around the mall some and that was good exercise for me.

Yesterday I felt drained by 11 am. I am doing some research on foods that have natural estrogen so I can start incorporating more of those. Will get to the store this week. Also, I am looking into collagen powder to add. Not sure if any of my readers have tried this or use it. I will ask a couple of groups that I am in (on Facebook). Since that is something that my body will also slow down on and I do want to fight the battle of premature aging.

Will get my exercise in today and try to manage my stress level with work.

Mostly I need to manage the brain fog and try to stay focused. Usually low carb/keto helps with that but it isn't helping as much with the brain fog since the surgery. I am thinking I may need to switch and add some straight up MCT oil in my diet.

Here is to a successful week!

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12 janeiro 2019

I did get some walking in yesterday. Really the daily headache had me not wanting to, but I have too much at stake. The walking did stop the headache for awhile afterward.

Will see what today holds weekends are always tougher as DH loves to eat.

Peso:	Perdidos até agora:	Ainda faltam:	Dieta seguida:
100,6 kg	11,9 kg	14,9 kg	Razoavelmente Bem

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