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Stress. Familiar feeling.
It's funny how one thing can make you happy and another can make you miserable and rattled. Right now, it's the latter. The group-from-hell apparently kicked me out tonight. While it's kind of a relief (as they've been horrible to work with). I'm really kind of massively embarrassed. It's six weeks into the semester and I have a big group project due at the end of this semester but no group. I sent an email to my professor explaining what had happened, suggesting a project idea I have and asking if I could work alone if I couldn't find anyone to pair up with. I don't know if that'll fly but I just feel like that awkward junior high girl who couldn't find a group for a project because she was so unpopular. I hate feeling like that and I know I'm not this insecure 13 year old anymore, but times like this she comes out in full force.
I'm so freaking embarrassed about this whole thing I'm really considering dropping the class especially since I have the impression my professor already thinks I'm some kind of freak or nut or whatever. I mean, this group situation has been so awful that I've started dreading this class. I actually was relieved to be sick last week so I didn't have to go and deal with these people. This is my fourth semester in this program and I've NEVER had this kind of problem before.
I'm 30 years old, a grown woman and I'm sitting here debating whether or not to cry. I'm just overly tired I think. Even with the nap yesterday the stress has been building non-stop since the semester began. I just feel like there's SO MUCH on me right now - work (and trying to turn this temp job perm), all these classes, volunteering, school stuff and then trying to find an internship if my job doesn't last past February. It's a lot and I just need bitchy people who have NOTHING else to do beyond this class (and a baby) to lay the hell off. Yeah, I get my effort hasn't been perfect to date but I deserve at least basic respect.
Problem is that if I withdraw from this class I not only lose the money I paid toward it but it would put me below half-time status so there's a chance I'd lose my health insurance. (I get my insurance through school because the options at my temp job are awful and I'm pretty certain my psych history would make me "high risk" on the private market.) While I'm okay now (outside of being extremely upset at the moment) I really can not go without coverage. There's still a really good chance that I might need to go back on meds/regularly to a psychiatrist again which I CAN'T do without insurance. I can't run that risk with how bad my depression has been in the past. It's like playing Russian Roulette.
Today wasn't a bad day up until class tonight. I'm going to try to turn in early and hope some answers come to me.
Affirmations for today:
1) I can't control what other people do, only my reaction to it.
2) I am allowed to make mistakes
3) I can sit with feelings of distress until they pass.
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1411 kcal
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Gord: 26,03g | Prot: 97,77g | Carbs: 215,18g.
Café da Manhã: Greek Style Nonfat Yogurt - Blueberry, No Calorie Sweetener Packets, Cream (Half & Half), Coffee (Brewed From Grounds), Bagel Thins - Everything, Women's Multivitamin, Cheese Wedges, Water. Almoço: Baby Carrots, Light Mayonnaise, Albacore Tuna in Water (No Salt Added), Bottled Water, Bagel Thins - 100% Whole Wheat, Honey Whole Wheat Pretzel Sticks, Apples. Jantar: Diet Coke, Chicken Bol with Rice, Black Beans & Corn Salsa. Lanches/Outros: Coffee with Skim Milk, No Calorie Sweetener Packets, Bottled Water, Green Tea. mais...
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3517 kcal
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Exercício:
Trabalho Doméstico - 30 minutos, Dirigir - 1 hora e 35 minutos, Dormir - 8 horas, Descansar - 2 horas e 15 minutos, Trabalho de Escritório - 11 horas, Calistenia (Leve, p.e. Exercícios em Casa) - 10 minutos, Estar Sentado - 30 minutos. mais...
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 Comentários
Sue the group from hell didn't show up the last time I heard about them and now they actually kicked you out.....why? This sounds like a Jr. Highschool nightmare. My daughter who is still in school said to me that group projects are very difficult because it is hard to get people to do their part, show up, etc. I really pray you will find a way to get through this huge barrier and build up strength to overcome. You have come so far and I would hate to see you quit and give up now because I know you can do this:) With that said, please take good care of yourself and follow your inner wisdom on this one. Be good to yourself Sue. With Love, TOWANDA!!!!
12 out 10 por membro: Lisa Online
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Some of those group projects are a pain. I had a guy in my group for circuits class last year, and he disliked me because he was politically liberal and I am conservative - like that matters in an electrical engineering class. He was totally lazy, and kept arguing about everything rather than doing anything. I and this African exchange student ended up having to do all the work, while he just sat and whined. I think he thought that the African student and I wouldn't get along because all conservatives are racist and intolerant, right? I got through it, and you'll find some way to get through it too. Just push through the embarrassment, and don't give up. Keep working with the professor to get some alternative way. Maybe someone else is having trouble with their group.
12 out 10 por membro: Runesinger
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Thanks, ladies. I'm still a stressed out mess so I'm just throwing things to the wind today. Throwing to the wind is a term I use to mean giving a problem or situation over to the universe to take care of because I don't know what to do about it or how to handle it. The problem either eventually resolves or the universe sends me some kind of solution. My stomach is still so upset about all the stress I've been under. Trying to figure out if I should go get a massage or go to a meditation class tonight. Problem is that I literally have no food in my house and desperately need to grocery shop and do other stuff tonight as I've literally hadno time over the past few weeks. I'm hoping the weather holds out so I can go jog after work.
12 out 10 por membro: suechru
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Sue, I would get the massage and do the meditation and get some of this stress you are under released. In fact daily meditation might really help keep you level set. As far as the group issue goes no suggestion there, don't really know what the issues are enough to comment. I have to work in groups and a couple of tips for you to work successfully in groups, there should be someone who is the informal leader, define rules & responsibilities as well as expectations. Without that groundwork, group work has a huge failure rate. Don't know if it helps for this group but maybe next time around you could suggest some of that for better chance of success. Just a thought.......
12 out 10 por membro: HealthyBabs
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The last six weeks or so have been utterly insane. I have done daily meditation before but it kind of went by the wayside when I stopped having time to sleep. Definitely need to start again. I was going to be a massage at the end of the month anyway but tempted to just move it up. I'm kinda tightly wound as a person and tend to take on way too much. I've been sick to my stomach the past few days. Still want to try to get some kind of exercise in tonight since it does relax me, we'll see
12 out 10 por membro: suechru
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Bummer Sue. Not that it will make you feel better but I want you to know that even at 52 ... that terribly insecure 13 year old rears her head in my life from time to time. What a difficult circumstance. Wait and see what the prof has to say before you drop the class ... hopefully there will be an alternative that will be acceptable and you can just tough it out until the end of the semester. I used to HATE group projects myself ... but what the hell ... I'm so sorry. Hang in there ... my thoughts are with you and above all you need to look out for you. You may indeed be a 'freak' but you are a 'freak' we all love!!
12 out 10 por membro: madaboutmoose
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Sue, as Moose says, the 13 year old, unpopular, nobody wants me on their kickball team, insecure little girl rears her little head from time to time in my life too. I hate it, because I am supposed to be a 51 year old adult, right? Well, inside my heart that 13 year old still lives, and whether we are 51, 30, or 13, rejection just plain hurts! I have no solution for your problem with the class, but perhaps your professor will have some ideas. And go get the massage now, it will make you feel better, and being kind to yourself is very important, as Moose tells us everyday! Listen to her, she is a very wise woman! lol
12 out 10 por membro: ctlss
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I was horriibly bullied growing up because I was the nerdy kid with the speech impediment. The speech impediment was pretty much gone by the time I was 9 or 10 but I grew up in a very small town and by then the damage had been done. I was just horribly bullied through senior year of high school and college itself for me was a nightmare for different reasons. It wasn't until I moved away from my hometown that I even started feeling comfortable in my own skin and I really hate that stuff like this can still rattle me.
I guess a lot of the problem is that I feel like there's all this pressure on me right now. School, work, friends, trying to find someone to be with, money, getting in shape, losing weight, etc, it's like I have so much I have to fix because of the last few years and because of my own mistakes I have to do it all at once. I know I'm putting too much pressure on myself but I'm one of those people who has a really hard time slowing down
12 out 10 por membro: suechru
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